Happy Father's Day

He was born 52 years ago to two loving parents. His parents just loved him unconditionally. He was the only male child out of his parent’s six children. This man was my father. I don’t really know much detail about his childhood. I do know that he grew up with both his parents. His father didn’t abandon him. He was there for him, but I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t be there for his own children. What could have happened to make him want to abandon his own children? Did my grandfather not provide the love that every young man needs? I don’t know. I have no idea. Not even the slightest clue. I would like to sit down and have a conversation with my father and ask him why? Why wasn’t he there for my sister and me? Why didn’t he make it to my high school football games? Why didn’t he send us at least one birthday card?

I have always wanted to tell people that I have a great father and mother, but instead I avoid talking about my father. Most of my close friends can count on one hand the number of times I have talked about him to them. Well I have a confession. I am embarrassed at who my father is! I talked to him about six months ago and we couldn’t even hold a five minute conversation. He was a stranger to me. That’s probably why our phone conversation on lasted four minutes. I, at times, am jealous of my friends who have had the privilege of growing up with a father. Its hard for me to type those words, but deep down inside that’s just how I feel.

My life wasn’t disrupted from not having a father. I never had one involved in my life so I don’t really know what I would be missing. I think it’s just the TV fantasy that everyone has. I, always thought that if I did have a father I wanted him to be like Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show. I never much thought about him not being there until I got to high school. That’s when I vowed to never abandon my children, like he did me.

Most of you know that it is Father’s Day today. For those of you that are blessed to have both parents that are actively involved in your life just say thanks. I sent my mom a gift in the mail to thank her for being my mother and father. Let your parents know that you appreciate them, even through the arguments.

Here’s what I would like to say to my father. “I have grown up. I am a man now. I feel hurt and anger when I think about your neglect and abandonment. Whether you blame it on the drugs or whatever excuse you have it wasn’t fair to my sister and me. We didn’t ask to come into this world. But with that said, it’s time for me to move on. You can either continue to brag on me to your friends and pretend that you know what’s going on in my life, or you can actually get to know me. It’s your decision, but I am moving on. I can’t continue to hold on to the anger and resentment that I have for you. You’ve already missed 24 years of my life, hopefully you don’t want to miss anymore.”